Create and monetise your newsletter without writing

Newsie, created in San Mateo, California, hit its 500th user and successfully raised $19 billion of seed capital. Don’t know how to write? Don’t know how to sell? No problem, Newsie has got you covered!

With the ever growing surge in newsletters, Newsie’s services come at an opportune moment. Sucker Capital’s partner Mr Murray said he is very pleased with the investment. Especially since the incredible growth in newsletters comes only slightly behind podcasts growth.

The sudden growth spurt in newsletters can be linked to what one behavioral expert classifies as “laziness in entitled individuals”. “I mean think about it, if you are able to make money sitting on your backside spewing the nonsense that comes out of your brain, you do not need to do real work”, says behavioral scholar/scientist Prakash Murthy. Mr. Murthy’s studies show a steep rise in the phenomenon called “entitled laziness”. It is also worth mentioning that Mr Murthy himself has three newsletters. Surprisingly, none of them are in his field of research but rather on subjects like anchovies, mario brothers and flat earth. 

Other than offering standard newsletter creation and management services like competitor platforms, Newsie stands out by offering additional features making it easy for creators to monetise their garbage content. Newsie founder Chakra Kullu tells us that looking at the newsletter industry, he noticed two main problems: 

Newsletters were growing almost exponentially but nobody was really reading them and second, writing newsletter content is tiring and very hard. He should know after unsuccessfully starting 12 newsletters. He was surprised that this was not already automated. 

One of Newsies' killer features is the ability to automate all your tweets into a newsletter. There is no need to worry about syntax and grammar, Newsie takes care of it. Mr Kullu tells us that syntax and grammar are overrated, a thing of the past, what with 70% of the population communicating in emojis. Infact, 3% of the population strictly communicate in tiktok videos. 

If you are not someone who tweets, not to worry, Newsie’s clever algorithm gathers tweets of followers or people you follow, and creates a unique content rich newsletter, gifs included. The gifs were Mr Kullus brainchild. He thinks the addition of automated gifs is what made Sucker Capital green-light their investment decision. 

The second unique Newsie feature addresses monetising readership. Newsie lets users who pay for newsletters get credits which can be used to pay for their own newsletter if they were ever to create one. 

When questioned on how this seemed awfully similar to a ponzi scheme, Mr Kullu admitted that the business model is yet to be finalised, but for now, increasing users is the primary goal. He also believes that the $19 billion seed capital raised should solve all these problems.

Feel free to click on the affiliate link to get a 3% discount on Newsies super-ultra-mega pro account. Clicking on such links helps me continue to write more garbage for your reading pleasure.

Update: Newsie is being investigated for a fraudulent ponzi scheme by the SEC. Both Sucker Capital and founder Mr Kullu refused to comment

Update 2: Newsie founder Mr Kullu has been arrested but continues to plead innocence. The next hearing with be on 29th June

Update 3: Newsie founder is cleared of all charges and files for bankruptcy. He has made a statement from his private yacht “Laxmi”: We always believed in our innocence. It is believed he is now working on a startup to monetise podcasts

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